


End of Messages

by Cleonali



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Established Relationship, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Voicemail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28863177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cleonali/pseuds/Cleonali
Summary: Akaashi and Bokuto have a fight. Akaashi doesn't pick up his phone.A story told through voicemail.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 64
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics





	End of Messages

“Um, hey, hey, Keiji... You’re probably still angry with me about our fight earlier, but I wanna apologize for what I said today— or I guess it’s yesterday now? Shit, it’s already one in the morning. Anyway, I know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately because of school, and I don’t wanna put any extra pressure on you. My shift at the hospital ends in a few hours, so just wait for me, okay? I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Don’t study too hard, Keiji. I love you. See you soon!”

~

“Hey, hey, Keiji. I just got back to the apartment, but you’re not here. I thought you’d be sleeping after studying so much yesterday, ‘cause you need at least seven hours every night, remember? You’re probably at the library again with your phone turned off, and I know you have that midterm paper coming up next week. You’ve been working real hard on it, but don’t forget to take breaks every once in a while! Call me back when you can and I’ll bring you breakfast before my next shift starts. I love you! Buh bye!”

~

“Keiji, I haven’t heard from you all day. You usually get home from class at four and I’m starting to worry. I know it’s your last semester and you’re studying real hard for the bar exam in May, but you need to come home and sleep a little bit. Even just for a couple hours? For me? I have a shift at the hospital in thirty minutes so I won’t get to see you tonight, but I left a bowl of spicy curry in the fridge for you. Please don’t forget to eat dinner! Call me when you get this message and I’ll try to get back to you when I’m on break. I love you! Sweet dreams!”

~

“Hey, Akaashi. It’s Kuroo. I just got a call from Bo and he sounded frantic. He said he got home from the hospital and all your stuff was gone from the apartment. He was gonna file a police report, but Kenma said he saw you at the library with a duffel bag last night. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I think you should give Bo a call. He’s been freaking out for over an hour, and we all know how he is when he gets worked up. Anyway, I guess I’ll see you later. Bye.”

~

“Keiji, where are you? All your stuff is gone and Kenma said he saw you at the library with some sort of big bag. I know you didn’t mention going on a trip anytime soon. I wouldn’t forget something like that, even though I’m a huge idiot. I’m so sorry for the things I said. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Just please call me back. I love you so much.”

~

“Hey, Keiji. I still haven’t heard from you since our fight— since a few days ago. It’s pretty obvious you’re still angry with me, and I don’t blame you. I was stupid and selfish, and you deserve much better than that. I promise I’ll be less clingy from now on. I won’t bother you while you’re studying or text you when you’re in class or fuss about how much coffee you drink. I can do better, I know I can. Just give me a chance to show you, please. I love you, Keiji. Call me back when you have the chance.”

~

“Hello, Akaashi. It’s Kozume. Kuroo told me to give you a call since you aren’t answering him or Bokuto, but I guess you won’t be answering my calls, either. I hope everything’s all right. Goodbye.”

~

“Hey, Keiji. Today I stopped by that one law office across from the hospital ‘cause I know you intern there on Fridays, but the receptionist said she didn’t know what floor you were working on. I decided to just leave the flowers at the front desk ‘cause I didn’t want to bother you… I hope you like them. They’re the kind you said your grandma used to have in her garden, but I already forgot the name. Anyway, I— I really miss you and I hope you’ll call me back soon. I love you, Keiji. Buh bye.”

~

“Hey, hey, Keiji. Today is my day off, and we both know how rare one of those is during residency. I was gonna use the day to catch up on sleep, but I just can’t seem to keep my eyes closed. Actually, I haven’t slept much at all since you’ve been gone. I can’t stop worrying about you, if you’re eating enough and getting some sleep every once in a while. My chest hurts every time I think about you… It hurts all the time now. Please call me back, or at least send a text to let me know you’re okay. I love you. Please take care of yourself.”

~

“Akaashi, pick up your damn phone. We haven’t heard from you in a week, and Bokuto’s a wreck. He finally just fell asleep after sobbing into our couch cushions for three hours. Kenma said he saw you in the library again today but you wouldn’t talk to him. You need to stop being a childish jackass and tell us what’s going on. Bokuto doesn’t deserve this.”

~

“H-hey, Keiji. I’m on break now at the hospital and I can’t stop thinking about you. Kenma said that you, um— that you smelled like cigarettes when he saw you in the library yesterday. You haven’t started smoking again, have you? You know how bad that is for you, and I… I don’t want you to get sick or— or… I’m sorry, Keiji. I can’t do this right now. My attending said I can’t cry at work anymore. Just please take care of yourself. I love you. Bye.”

~

“Hi, Akaashi! I thought I’d give you a call since we haven’t talked in a while. I think the last time was at Tooru’s birthday party last summer, right? Just before Bokuto and I started our residency at the hospital. Oh, this is Suga, by the way. I don’t know if you recognized my voice or not. Anyway, I just wanted to check up on you to make sure everything’s all right. Bokuto’s been a little… deflated lately. Okay, maybe more than a little. Yesterday I found him crying behind the couch in one of the break rooms, but he was too upset to tell me what happened. I don’t know if it’s something that’s going on between you two, but feel free to call me if you need to talk. I’m always happy to help. Bye.”

~

“It’s Kuroo again. I ran into Oikawa today and he said that Iwaizumi thought he saw you smoking on the balcony of some shoddy apartment complex downtown. You’re lucky Bokuto didn’t hear about this, and I’m not going to tell him until you explain yourself. Kenma and I are coming over tonight to talk. Don’t think I won’t bang on the door until you let us in because you know I will. See you soon.”

~

“Hey, hey, Keiji. I wasn’t gonna bother you again, but Kuroo and Kenma are going out tonight and I don’t know what to do with myself until my shift starts at eight. If you were here, I’d just watch you study for the next three hours. I think I could watch you forever… It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, Keiji. I haven’t gone this long without kissing you since high school, and it feels horrible. I want to touch your face and look into your eyes and kiss your lips and your neck and your hands and… I miss you, Keiji. More than I’ve ever missed anything in my life, even more than I miss playing volleyball. I would give anything just to know you’re doing okay. You don’t have to tell me. You could tell Oikawa or Suga or Kenma or anyone, but please just let someone know. Please don’t make me worry anymore. I love yo—”

~

“We’re here, Akaashi. Open up or I’ll start pounding on the door, and we both know Kenma will have a heart attack if one of your sketchy neighbors comes out here.”

~

“Akaashi, please open the door. Kuroo is going to start yelling soon and I don’t want to disturb the kind woman smoking pot in the stairwell.”

~

“Here goes. Don’t say I didn’t warn— Oh my god, Kenma, look! The knob is turning… I don’t know, Kenma. Stop worrying so— Akaashi? Holy hell, you look like shit! And you smell like an ashtray. When was the last time you—”

~

“Akaashi-kun, it’s been too long! I haven’t seen your beautiful face since my birthday party last July, and I honestly don’t remember much from that night. Iwa-chan and I just can’t drink as much as we did in college, you know. It’s a cruel world, Akaashi-kun… Speaking of, that cat bastard called me last night. He said you’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch lately and asked if I could be of any assistance. I usually don’t agree to see friends in my office, but I’m willing to make an exception considering the circumstances. Kuroo mentioned you’ve stopped taking your anxiety medication, which is inadvisable. I’m sure you’ve seen what happens when Bo-chan forgets to take his medication, and the same goes for you. We can talk more about this later, but I want you to know I’m here for you. Talk to you later, Akaashi-kun.”

~

“Hey, hey, Keiji. It’s me again. I know you’re probably tired of me calling all the time, but I’m just hoping you’ll pick up one of these days. I won’t ask you to come back if you don’t want to. I just want to apologize. You’re the most important person in my life, and I don’t think I can move on knowing I’m the reason you left. I fucked up so bad, Keiji. I should have given you more space. I should have been more understanding. I should have— … Kuroo? What are you doing here? Sorry, Keiji, I have to go. Please call me back when you can. I love you.”

~

“Hey, it’s Kuroo. I just wanted to give you a heads up that Bokuto will probably be calling you again soon, and you need to answer this time. I told him what you told me and Kenma yesterday. About why you left. I know you didn’t want him to find out, but I can’t watch him suffer anymore. He was still crying when he left for his shift at the hospital, but I’m sure he’ll be calling you as soon as he manages to pull himself together. You two need to talk. He wants to help you, Akaashi. So let him.”

~

“Hello again, Akaashi-kun. It’s Tooru. Unfortunately, I was with a patient when you called, but I’m happy you were so forward with me in the voicemail you left. The most difficult step in the recovery process is admitting there are things that are hurting you, and oftentimes those things are out of your control. I think we should meet as soon as possible to talk about the suicidal thoughts you mentioned. I suspect they are a side effect of stopping your medication, but I’d like to evaluate that myself. Iwa-chan will be out tomorrow afternoon. If you’re available then, feel free to drop by our apartment to talk. For now, do not continue your medication, as there might be adverse side effects. Please don’t hesitate to call again if you have any more destructive thoughts. I look forward to seeing you, Akaashi-kun. Thank you for trusting me.”

~

“...Keiji, I’m scared. I know that’s a really selfish thing to say right now, but it’s all I can think about. Kuroo said everything would be all right, that you were going to talk to Oikawa and get some help. But I still can’t get this sick feeling out of my stomach. Kuroo said you told him you were thinking about… that you were thinking about hurting yourself, and I can’t get the image out of my head. I’ve never been so scared in my life, Keiji, because I need you. I need you here with me. I know you think I don’t and that’s why you left, but you’ve gotta believe me, Keiji. You’ve been by my side for the past nine years, and you never once made me feel like a burden. Even before I got treated for my mood swings, you were always patient with me like no one else was. You knew how to calm me down like no one else, and how to fire me up, too—”

“Even if I don’t break down as much anymore, I still need you, Keiji. I feel sick knowing you’re not being as kind to yourself as you always were to me. It hurt to hear Kuroo talk about how thin you’ve gotten. How tired you looked. How you stopped taking your medication. How your hands shook the entire time he and Kenma were there. How there were empty cigarette boxes piling up by the window. How unhappy you looked. How you said that sometimes you just wanted to… I hate this, Keiji. I hate that you’re hurting, and I hate that I can’t do anything about it. But I want to help because I love you more than anything. I want to see you smile again, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Akaashi Keiji. I love you, so please come home.”

~

End of Messages

~

“...Hello, Koutarou. I know you’re probably on call at the hospital right now, but I… I wanted to apologize. For not answering your calls. It might be selfish of me, and I know it’s not fair to call you crying and begging for forgiveness, but I can’t do this without you. I need you, too, Koutarou. It was stupid to think I could get through this without you, o-or that you would accept my absence and move on even if I couldn’t. But I don’t want you to move on, Kou. I want to get better. I want to smile with you and laugh with you and kiss you when you get home from work. I want to feel like I deserve your affection, even after everything I’ve done to hurt you. I know it’ll be difficult— for both of us— but I have hope. You give me hope, Koutarou, and that’s all I could ask for. We’ll pull through this, so just wait for me, okay? I love you so much. I’ll see you when you get home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I haven't touched my last angsty Bokuaka fanfic in like three years, so here's a short one I found in my drafts. I don't even remember writing this, but I thought someone might enjoy the pain. You're welcome.


End file.
